Originally my plan was to add an EDIT to my previous post, "Who will tuck me in when you are gone?" But after a month as empty nesters, I realize that is deserves a post of its own.Ever since Hailey left for KU I have been adding to my list of 'Blog Post Updates" These were the things that hit me hard that were so different about life now.
Here's the list:
*Making plans and having to back out when the kids decide to come home unexpectedly."
*Meeting the biking group for dinner.*Meeting up for the Sunday coffee/beer ride.
*Scooter date night downtown on a Wednesday
*Making dinner at home? Why would I bother?
*The walks with Hailey to the square for coffee..or the drives to Starbucks. Those Saturday mornings are lonely now.
*TV? What is TV? What should I be watching? What is Netflix and Hulu?
*Ice cream date to Dairy Queen. We sat outside eating our ice cream and I found myself putting my head on Jay's shoulder which I just hadn't relaxed enough lately to think of doing.
*Johnnie's Jazz Club at the new Liberty B&B Theatre to watch Steve Rigazzi and Kim Sivils...and thinking back 25 years to when we first starting going to jazz clubs at City Light under Plaza III with Karrin Allyson, and PBT.
*The bad bad bad dream I had where all I can process after it is that I can prepare them and then I have to leave. I can check on them and see how they are but it's up to them to answer. It's up to them now. I am a coach.
I think the best way to describe this new phase in life is that we feel like we did when we were first married. We got married barely out of college at 23 years old. We lived in a tiny apartment for 3 years before buying out first home and having Cameron. Life was free for us to do as we wanted, when we wanted, but back then we had zero money to do much more than go to dinner and split a meal and share a diet coke.
Things are different now. Sometimes I just hurt. I tear up often thinking about the days when the kids were running around, family meals, and hugs on demand. What I don't miss is football or soccer weekends ALL weekend long. But I will say that it did force our family into a car together and to be together so it wasn't all bad. But it wasn't for US.What Jay and I do now is for us. This weekend was perfection and the cool weather helped a lot. Here is a sampling:
*Crossfit and shopping for new jeans for me. *Biking for Jay. (It's always biking for Jay::)*Jay and I walked the dog to the square and sat outside of Morning Day Cafe for coffee.
Jay worked on the house, I took a nap in the sunroom.
*We sat on the porch swing together. We puttered. I worked a little on my R+F business.
*We cleaned up a bit and went to our favorite, Dubious Claims Brewery and bumped into some friends which was fun, had Blueberry Wheat and pizza and went out back to listen to the band.It was JUST the pick me up I needed because as fun and relaxing as the day was, I was melancholy. It's the perfect word to describe it. There are just those moments when I get a picture in my head of what family life for us used to be. And it will never be that way again. I have enjoyed every phase and age with my kids but this one. This is tough. Selfishly I just want them to be with me. And selfishly I just want to be with Jay. I can't have it all. So when I'm feeling down I just remind myself that this is the way God intended for things to play out. We did our job and we will continue to be the best parents we can be to . our kids forever! It's just that now it looks a lot different.
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| Just the days when these 2 were little and so close when we lived in England. Now one is at MU and one is at KU. |
