The highlights of social media.

My brother recently blogged about how social media can give us a perfect version of someone's life and not the real thing. He asked my opinions and it got me to thinking that despite some negatives, if we navigate it properly it can be a positive place to keep in touch and learn.

I feel as if this really is the place for people to post their highlights. Do we really want to see someone's hot mess as we are scrolling? 

Sometimes we see the lowlights. We have friends asking for prayer for serious situations. To me that is also important and something that I take seriously. I appreciate their honesty and openness is a time of such trial and hardship.

But when it comes to "humble-bragging" to quote my brother, I feel like people show their best because they are appreciating that random good moment so much they want to share with the world.

Some have had it rough in the past. They've lost a loved one, they've had cancer, they had a rough childhood, been divorced, done drugs etc etc etc (there are a lot of etc) and they honestly appreciate the good stuff knowing it can all be taken away in an instant. There is pain and loss out there so we should be grateful for each positive moment. I fall into that category 100%. 

I just scrolled through my Facebook feed and saw some pretty cool stuff.....

 A friend who is reunited with her son in the military. I have no idea their real day to day  life.

I have this picture in a frame in my kitchen.
I love how it captures this moment when
Cam was in the middle of a Tuscan wine
farm. Sure that trip had ups and
down but THIS....it captures
a moment!

A friend who doesn't share much so it was cool to see a picture of her 4 year old son.

My student teacher that graduated  at age 45 whose family is so excited for him following his passion.

Friends that have a severely disabled daughter.  I know their struggle.They are looking great at a holiday party, smiling in a really happy moment. I'm glad they are capturing that!

Friends celebrating an anniversary and relishing in their 25 years. We all know it's had ups and downs like all marriages do.

A friend's daughter in front of dance trophies. I have no idea their day to day life but it sure is great to see the accomplishments of kids.

Two friends remembering their parents that have died.

My friends in England and their children and their church!

A few political things I scroll past or read just to see the opinion of someone else (or sometimes I just think to myself how ridiculous people are!)

Some hilarious memes. (I hate that word)

Oh and my favorite.....Jays aunt  on the range shooting a gun for the first time. Take cover now because  it really is the Wild West!
I have included some examples of my favorite pictures!

This one cracks me up because at the time we really
were having fun. That was before we stood waiting for the parade to start
for THREE hours! We watched people being taken off having panic attacks from the crowds and
saw one woman carted off going into labor. People were mostly kind but it was exhausting.
However, I would't have traded it for the world to spend this time with my daughter.We will
never forget it even though it was exhausting and we would have seen more on TV!

This picture is great but doesn't show how silly and annoyed
these two were when I tried to take their picture. I told
them I wouldn't stop until they smiled normally.
I love bribery. And I love these two kids! 

When Cam came home from college for
Thanksgiving I wanted a family picture so badly.
I shoved Jay to the back accidentally
because I just wanted my kids around me. Truth is, he
is my rock and the foundation of our family!

My Commuter Husband

He leaves about 5:30 am 

Last week I walked into the garage to  find my 48 year old husband mounting my foam pumpkin to the back of his bike. MY foam pumpkin!

Because, why not? As if all the his reflective gear and wheel lights aren’t enough to warn drivers. And it’s Halloween week after all.

Many people ask about Jay’s sudden onset of crazy, riding to work three times a week, 20 miles each way, an hour and 15 minutes each way.

It’s simple….

He’s nuts.

He hasn’t always been that way. He’s always been a very even tempered kind of guy. But when he finds something he loves,he goes all out. For instance, he married me 23 years ago! But I digress….

First it was the 1976 Chevy Nova that he painted and souped up in college. Then is was the 1963 Triumph TR4 he got from a college friend’s grandma for free, restored and souped up. I won’t attempt to describe what “souped up” means but I know it involves big engines.

If you don’t know where to find Jay, you go to the garage.

And that is still the case today. You can find him cleaning his bike, airing up his tires, putting on additional parts and packing for his commute from Liberty to downtown Kansas City.

Yes, DOWNTOWN!

I’m not sure how it got this crazy. It started about 5 years ago when he found an old bike at his sister’s house and fixed it up to give it a spin so he could ride with our neighbor. I would constantly make fun of their cute spandex shorts and brightly colored tops. Why on earth would someone wear that stuff?

Then he got me with the cycling bug. I now know why he wears those ridiculous clothes (comfort and safety) and why he loves the sport so much. As someone with bad knees can tell you, cycling is the one thing besides swimming that doesn’t hurt the knees. And I really enjoyed riding with Jay and eventually other neighbors as well.

Over time we participated in the Bike MS, Copper Triangle and various other rides for causes that involved distance and mountain challenges. These felt like amazing accomplishments!

I guess he got bored with these races so he added “commuter” to his list of accomplishments by finding a safe route using back roads all the way to his downtown office where he can shower and change and do it all again in the afternoon.

He has also learned to use the bus on days when the weather is not cooperating (although he will ride in most anything).

Good thing there was no traffic when he
snapped this picture!

Commuting has it’s ups and downs. He gets his workout in with a purpose instead of just riding around in circles like I do. We have a discount on our car insurance because he drives so little now. But occasionally he will have a flat tire that causes him to be late. The roads in Missouri aren’t very kind to cyclists.

Overall, the guy has found a hobby he loves that is healthy for him and keeps him happy which keeps his family happy. It’s good for the environment too!

The only negative is that people don’t understand cyclists here in Missouri like they do in pretty much every other city we’ve cycled in. Las Vegas;  fantastic bike paths.  San Diego; best ride ever along route 1. Colorado; heck you see people in Denver riding in their work clothes through downtown.

We have some work to do in teaching people how to share the road so that the emergency bracelet I bought for Jay to wear never has to be used.

People often ask if I worry about him. Not really. I think I’d worry more if he wasn’t keeping himself healthy physically and emotionally. I’m proud of him. He’s nuts and all this biking takes up too much time in my opinion, but for now, we go with it…..with a pumpkin on the back.

Jay's Copper Triangle finish...a few hours faster than me:)

Best part about finishing the Copper
Triangle (80 miles in the Rockies)
was the hug from my son! That's
proud father in law in the background!

Dream bike ride, Route 1
San Diego

Catch Phrase

Recently my brother, an English teacher in St Louis, called my attention to a new catch word being used by teens. The word is  "Wait....".

"Wait, did you see what just happened?" "Wait, did you actually catch the ball?" "Wait, when is the test?"

It's a craze among pop culture like so many others in times gone by. We overuse words like "awesome!" and " cool!" We talk about "making connections" .....

I admit I'm at fault for falling for all of these catch phrases. My new favorite term is "salty" meaning annoyed or bothered. Sometimes it's just fun to say!

There are some catchphrases among Christian culture specifically that I try very hard to NOT say. I actually did some research on this and found the term "Christianese". Then I read this article my brother sent me on this very topic.

Wow, so I'm not alone in my thinking on this.

Here is one part of the article that makes my heart pound:

Someone is lonely; the Church says “get plugged in.” Someone is struggling, and it is shrugged off. “You should really get into the Word," we say.

These phrases are not the beginning of the discussion; they are the end of it. They are a reduction, a door closed, a bow tied neatly over the whole complicated thing.

But at the heart of the Christian faith is this: We were broken, and we couldn’t figure it out and, instead of sending us some tired cliché, God sent Christ. The Word, John called Him. He had hands and feet, dust-covered from all that walking.*

I think my entire family shares the sentiment that to be Christian does not mean isolating ourselves amongst other Christians. We talk about this often.  It means loving and caring about all people. It means recognizing that although we might strive to be like Jesus, the truth is that we are not nor can we ever be. And the fact is, Jesus would not speak a language that all couldn't understand.

So in our flesh and humanity, we try. We try to be like Him. For many of us that means conforming to a certain mold of what we think a Christian should be. And I get that...I really do!

When I am talking with another Christian sister I use Christian catch phrases. I know that she will know what I mean. Those phrases are a quicker, deeper way to get to the heart of the matter.

Maybe, just maybe, we can still love Jesus and be real people so we don't isolate ourselves into our own little clique. 

Because it's not just non-believers we might be putting off. It's other Christians; new Christians, young Christians. We need to speak their language. Jesus came to earth as man and situated himself amongst real people. He tried to fit in so he was relatable. I think we can do the same.

We can try to follow the example of my favorite pastor in England. We affectionately call him "The Rev".

He started his church with only a few and it grew to a small Sunday gathering of about 25. After services you would see him talking to the people he had invited to church; people he had met while gigging in pubs or possibly walking the streets.  The Rev found the people that needed Jesus most and invited them in without judgment. He was not afraid of what church members would say about being in bars playing bass. He was not scared of the homeless, the broken, the lost.  Isn't THAT what we need to try to be?

Acts 4:13 When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.

When someone is hurting we say "I will pray for you"....but do we? Maybe we should say "I just prayed for you."

When someone is depressed or anxious, the first thing we do is throw out Bible verses saying to cast our anxieties on Him....but does that heal our anxiety or depression or make it worse for that person when they realize that no amount of "casting" is actually working?

And telling someone that it's all in God's plan is fine but the conversation should start there, not end.

But then, Jesus has never really been about what’s easy.

He’s walking that long dirt road with those road-worn travelers. He’s saying it fresh, cutting through the cliché, making it all new.

He’s talking, listening, explaining, discussing.He’s staying until the words add up.

Until they see that it was Jesus' Word all along.*

We have to find room for humanity amongst the divine. The Rev will tell you there is room for both.

Quoted material from : http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/features/28625-shoot-christians-say

Find a job doing something you LIKE so you can do what you LOVE.

Recently I've been in discussions with my son, a 19 year old college freshman.  Like many other kids his age, he is struggling with pressure to decide his career path. He's always wanted to be a doctor, but as reality has set in and classes are underway, we are asking him, "Is really what you want to devote your life to?"

 As we have talked, one thing has become clear;  he somehow missed the talk from his dad on "Nobody on their death bed every said they wish they had worked more."

This sentiment is a major core value of my family. We like our jobs, and when we are at work we work hard. But our jobs are not who we are. Yet somehow this was missed when it was applied to his life and his future.

There is a whole camp out there that tells kids to find a job doing what they love. And wouldn't that be a great thing if we could all do that? Yes, this happens for a small percentage of people, and it usually comes with some inconveniences to say that least. If you are a pro athlete you may have to move around a lot. If you are a writer or artist, your income may be inconsistent. The goal is to find something that works with the lifestyle you want to have.

What if we could all get a job that we are truly passionate about? Think about what you truly love to do.  More than likely this is a hobby for you, but not your profession. We can't all be professioal athletes, photographers, writers, cooks, singers, artists, travelers, historians and the list goes on. Sure, I would love to be the next Travel Channel writer or get paid to ride my bike, but if we all did that then our world wouldn't work.

So how can we teach our children to find something they really like to do, that they are good at, and that will pay the bills so they can do what they love? Well, I think this has to start at home. Kids looks to their parents to first learn what life looks like. If you are working too many hours, working at home at night, disengaged with your family, too busy to do family outings then you have this all backwards. And why not talk about these things as a family? I promise that we did this, but clearly not enough!

I just read a blog post byAaron McHugh called Blowing Up My Life to Start Over. Look at what he says about his life before he made a big change:

• I work way too much and I Live my life way too little.
• I want words like “lingering” and “relaxed” to be used when my wife describes how her husband lives.
• My priorities are all wrong: 80%. 18%. 2%.
  • Work is always in first place with an 80% portion.
  • Life (family, friends, marriage, kids, community) in second place with an 18% sliver of the pie.
  • Play or Adventure is under portion control with a meager 2%
• My marriage was on the skids.
• I was taking a pocket full of medication every day just to keep it together.
• My day job was immensely stressful and consuming.
• I felt stuck, exhausted, and desperate.

Maybe some of you recognize these things in your life. It's scary because we have one life on earth. Why are we working so much? And obviously it may not just be your job that is sucking the time out of your day. There have been countless articles and studies about kids and families that are overscheduled.

Do you live to work or work to live?

To sum it up:  Live Life. Play. Eat. Rest. Love and fit in some work along the way. Repeat again tomorrow.

Son and Dog: An accidental lesson in responsibility.

This summer we took a family vacation to Colorado without our 18 year old son. Yup, we left him at home. Why? Because he didn’t want to go. 

Now before you start judging me, declaring that you would make your son go, hold up and hold on.

The first thing you need to know is that we listen to our kids when they explain their feelings.  So when Cam said he didn't want to go and kept nagging about we decided to let him plead his case and kept an open mind.

He told us that we are his favorite people in the world,(apparently he almost tweeted about it so OMG!)  He said that it wasn’t about us, but it was about him just not enjoying Colorado in the summer.  We know this is true because last summer he sat in the condo almost the entire 4 days we were there and slept or sat on the deck moping. 

Again, don't judge me and tell me we should have made him suck it up and be happy. Just don't even..

So after careful consideration and some talks between my husband and I, we decided that just weren’t really up to that battle again and we knew we’d have a better time without him. So we left him at home. 

No supervision, nobody checking on him, just a list of things to do that grownups do around the house:

Daily: get the mail, do dishes as needed, feed, walk and play with the dog

As needed: Mow the lawn, mow the neighbors lawn (who was also out of town)

Wednesday take out the trash and recycling by 7:30 am

and a few other incidental items

Remember he was 18, so I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to do many of the things on the list and I didn’t plan on reminding him. I put the list on our chalkboard and left it to hm. I figured he would sleep, play video games, watch TV and hang out with his friends and girlfriend. 

Turns out that I was 100% wrong and that leaving him home was the best decision ever for us and for him.

Why?  Because he did everything on the list and was proud to report about it each time he completed a task.. He set reminders on his phone, put things in his calendar and went above and beyond walking and playing with the dog. But oh the dog…..

My first draft of this post detailed every account of this doggie nightmare, but for the sake of all, I will condense:


*Cam texted us that Dizzy was having diarrhea everywhere so I called him ready to explain how he was going to have to be the grown up and clean it up.
*Cam had already done all of that AND given Dizzy a bath where he had more poop issues. YUCK! At the time he was sitting with her trying to calm her.
*Our vet told us to give her immodium so he went to Walgreens, bought the drugs and gave them to her.....but he gave her too much! He gave her the adult dose. Oops.
*He spent the evening calling the late night vet and making decisions and admitted he wanted us to come home because this was hard.  I gave him a does of encouragement and how being a grown up means doing hard things.

*The next morning he took her to the vet, got all the prescriptions, picked them up and gave her the correct dose.

My first reaction? Who are you and what have you done with my son? 

My next reaction, thank you God for giving me the wisdom to realize that leaving him home was a good decision for our family.

I didn’t listen to opinions, I didn’t cave to “you’re not making him go?” 

We did what we knew was right for us and it paid off in a big way. 

If there were doubts about Cam being fine on his own in college next year, they were alleviated.

 It’s really simple; when we are home, he assumes we will do things. We are his default. When it’s all on him, he can do it on his own.

The three of us has a fantastic time in Colorado without Cam. Hailey calls it our “new family’. She is referring to what will be our new normal without Cam here every day. It’s a fun spin on a time that could be scary and sad! We get to watch our son go off and maneuver life on his own, with us as his coach, mentor and guide and we get to spend some time focusing on our daughter. 

Just like this week, he will make mistakes, but the prayer is that he accepts it and does what’s needed to make a correction.  

There is pride is responsibility. As parents we often have to step back to allow that to happen.

And I bet next year he goes on our family vacation.

Fly to the moon

And when you find your wings

I will celebrate with you

Watch you as you soar

Take the wishes that are yours

I know you can fly to the moon

You can do all things

I will celebrate with you

It`s hard to let you go

Still, you have to go,

I know

Michael W. Smith

The mom/friend

Today is my baby girl's sweet 16 and I think it's a great time to roll out this post that I've been working on for quite a while. 
Happy Birthday to my favorite young lady on the planet.
*********************************************************************************
I've been pondering how my daughter and I have gotten so close over the past couple of years. It was not something I expected at all, but certainly hoped for.

The first thing that comes to mind is that a core value of mine is relationships. My relationship with God,  my husband and my kids is tops. When I die, besides a messy closet and a bunch of junk, what will be left? Hopefully the legacy of the relationship built with my family that can be passed on for generations.

That doesn't mean that my kids get whatever they want or that they rule the roost; far from it. But there is certainly a culture of mutual respect in our house. That's a big thing! We listen to each other, we assume the best in each other and we say "I love you" multiple times a day. We have conversations. We hug. We pray for each other.  We give each other grace. Our love is unconditional.

I agree with the school of thought that says we should not be friends with our children and that we should be the parent first.  However, I also think it's possible to be a special kind of friend.

So I created the term "mom/friend".

Then and now.....

In our family, a mom/friend looks a little like this:

Your kids tell you almost everything, but probably save the really private stuff for a best friend their age.

Your kids come to you and say "I have a 'mom' question".

Your kids balk when you suggest a picture or selfie but it's fine when it's their idea.

Your kids enjoy hanging out with you and their boyfriend/girlfriend. Apparently "significant other' is one of those off limit mom terms I'm told not to say. Geesh kids...!

Your kids steal your phone and create a pre-set for " LOL" so that if you try to type it, it says "Mom you're too old to say that"

You get your feelings hurt when they are rude and expect them to notice and behave like anyone else; apologize or laugh and make it better. It's a two way street with feelings.

You don't hover over their every move but encourage them when they need it and offer advice when they ask for it.

The first thing you do after a game or performance is either:

a) say nothing and wait for them to speak
b) say something positive  and then ask how they think the game/performance went
c) ask what the coach had to say.
d) all of the above

You find their taste in clothes, cars, decor, music etc... interesting and a big part of who they are and not as a reflection of yourself.

They let you know when you've crossed the mom/friend zone into the friend zone. It sounds something like "mom...ugh, gosh stop!" or "um...no"

You have conversations, not arguments.  Not much discipline is required.

You allow them to make their own mistakes and are the first one there with a "Bummer, I'm so sorry that happened to you."

You don't yell (very often) , because you wouldn't yell at anyone else in your life, so why would you yell at those you love most? But if you do, it makes a huge impact, so......

You apologize when you screw up.

They apologize when they screw up.

You listen to their opinion and value them as an individual with their own thoughts.

I really hope my kids stick close to home for the rest of their lives because I sure do love them, like them, and enjoy being around them! And isn't that what being a friend is all about?

I don't know how it turned out this way, but I do know it has to do with the heart. The heart that God gives us to love our kids like He loves us.

They're my favorites!

What I never knew: Reflections on when my first born left for college.

The drop off drive to CoMo.

The first day of kindergarten was a big day. I felt prepared for that day because every mom I knew was talking about it over the summer. I dropped off Cam, my oldest, like a pro! I didn't take pictures, I just glanced in his room and thanked God (literally I think it was out loud) that he was sitting at his table working and not running around the room! I cheered as I walked out. I got a few odd glances but mostly moms couldn't see through their tears. It was a good transition into a new phase of my life.

But nobody could have possibly prepared me for the emotional ride of sending that same first born to college.

Nobody.

The only insider information I got was that there would be tears. I got a glimpse of the possibilities for this day when one brave woman told me she actually had to stop to throw up on the way home after dropping off her daughter. Bless that woman for being honest!

I'm not much of a crier, so let me tell you how completely off guard I was when, 45 minutes into our car ride home from Mizzou, I launched into the major ugly cry.....you know the one. I was trying to describe this cry to my friend and all I could think of was it was "like love pouring from my tear ducts."  Because you know, it wasn't a bad thing. It was what we had prepped for for 18 years! My husband was ready for this. I think he was relieved it had finally hit. I don't usually put off emotions. But this was different.

My patient hubby did his best impersonation of sympathy by patting me on the leg, and short of pulling off the road he listened and listened through all sorts of blubbering. He thought this crying had just hit me out of the blue, but no. Here's what happened:

I had posted the "drop off" picture on Facebook and ended my post with MIZ.... and Cam had replied (which he NEVER does) ....ZOU.

And it was sweet.

And I was happy and crying at the same time.

So many questions running through my mind.....

What if he didn't make friends?
What if he felt homesick?
What if he forgot to go to class?
What if he never joined a group or got invovled?
What if his classes were harder than he expected?
What if life at home is so weird?
What if What if What if......

So for two days I put on my best brave face for my students, which proved to be an excellent distraction. But this pain was physical. It hurt my heart and it hurt my stomach! But as with most things, time goes by and we adjust. I adjusted.

And then we went for a birthday visit and it started again! But this time it was one day, not two before I was feeling better.

And then he came home for the weekend. He was in his bed! He was where he belonged in my mind. But in his mind, Columbia was his home. And although I am so thankful for that, it was just another part of the process of letting go.

So here are the things I made note of in those first few weeks; the things I never knew:

I never knew how much it would  physically hurt the first 2 days you were gone 

I never knew that I would worry more about your social life than your classes.

I never knew how much I would miss asking you how your day was.

I never knew that I would think of you in the cereal aisle bc I don't have to buy Honey Nut Cheerios anymore. Or when I go to chick fil a and realize I don't need to call and ask what you want.

I never knew how much I would wonder if you were happy. Are you involved? Do you like school?

I never knew how hard  it would be to not text you a lot. I mean REALLY REALLY hard.

I never knew how much I just want to sit with you and talk……just with you.

I never knew how much I'd miss the noise of you playing drums in the basement, or playing your guitar as I fall asleep at night.

I never knew that when I'd get up in the middle of the night that I couldn't remember if you were home or not.

I never new this would be so very much like the grieving process…..over and over again.

I'm sure this list will grow with each visit. I hear it does get better as time goes on as we all develop a new normal.

I am eternally grateful to my God for providing me with the life experiences to know how to form a great relationship with my child. I am grateful that Cam is right where God wants him to be for today. I thank God for helping me to realize that all of these emotions are because I genuinely like my son and miss his daily presence. And I thank Him for reminding me that this is all a part of the growing up process; for Cam and for me!

I've learned that, like every of phase of my life, to embrace and honor these emotions. I will never feel them the same again.

God walks with us through all phases of our lives, including our child's life! And in that I take great comfort.

First weekend visit for a Tiger Football game.
I got to do the Missouri Waltz with him and he wasn't embarrassed.

For those of you with seniors this year awaiting this great time of independence, check out my post, The Real Parents Last Call List for Senior Year. Now that I have a college student, I can tell you that this list is a good one!

UPDATE....1 year later! I am happy to report that just like everyone said, I have developed my new normal! We all have and it's wonderful. So many things have changed and I can honesty say they are for the good of a young man growing up. 

To look back at my fears and realize that they MY fears. Cam figured out how he wanted to do college HIS way. And it's nothing like how his dad or I did it, and it's fine! Actually it's more than fine because it's his own. 

 I see how different our relationship will be than it will be with my daughter. Things that I saw as sad are really just his way of asserting his independence and becoming a man. Sure, I wish I knew everything that was going on in his life, but he has assured me that he keeps things private because it's just his personality; it's his way of saying, this is MY life and I need to do things my way. And although he almost always chooses the difficult path, he gets there.

So I would say to all of the moms and dads with kids leaving, go ahead and let those emotions and feelings consume you for a bit. Own it. Love it for what it is!

He still adores us!

I don't cook, I fix dinner: Philosophy and recipes from a non-cook.

That's NOT my food but
 it's so pretty! Crepes from Cafe
Un Deux Trois in NYC.

I don't cook. I fix dinner.

I don't plan dinner, I shop for what I need on the way home from work.

Or, even better, take me out to dinner!

It's not pretty, but it's mostly effective.

So how does someone in my situation survive without eating out all of the time?  It was my brother that mentioned something that stuck with me. He said, "You just need 5 good meals that you do really well, with quality ingredients..."

He is SO right. I've stopped being afraid to spend more for the best quality meats and farm fresh eggs or veggies.  It has made a world of difference.

So without further delay, here are my family favorites. They don't need recipes because if I can figure it out, anyone can. The key is using the best quality ingredients you can find.

1) French Dips: Crock Pot roast in french onion soup. Let it roast all day long. Put it on really good/fresh hoagies and done! Another option we love is pairing it with homemade mashed potaotes.

2) BBQ Crock Pot chicken. I get KC Joes Sauce and the best quality chicken I can find. Dump it all in and done! (Are you seeing a trend here?)

** Tip: if you are grilling and want to make beans, buy canned beans and add your fave bbq sauce. Outstanding!

You can also put just about anything spicy with the chicken for a mexican twist. I often will use fresh salsa, black beans and corn. Put a brick of cream cheese on top to make it extra creamy.

3) Tacos...I use ground turkey, whole wheat or low carb soft shells or corn hard shells. My secret is Taco Bell taco seasoning. 

4) Salmon, rice and green beans or peas. If it's summer I find a fresh veg to use. I always buy the freshest salmon I can find. If it's too pricey I just don't make it. Not gonna lie, we love the fresh salmon at SAMS. $15 feeds 5!

5) Grill Grill Grill!! We love grilling burgers, steaks and hot dogs. I buy meat from the Liberty Farmer's Market from a local farmer and it is worth every penny. I feel like it goes a long way because the flavor is so rich that you don't eat as much.

I will often buy burgers from McGonigals meat market and we love Hebrew National Hot Dogs.

6) Pork Tenderloin in the oven or on the grill.

7) Spaghetti with San Marzono tomato sauce. This is SO worth it!I just crush up the tomatoes and add some sugar, garlic salt, butter and basil. If I don't do this, I will buy one of the jarred sauces that is from a favorite restaurant or organic specialty sauce. I also use a mix of white and brown pasta.

8) Turkey Chili...now this can get tricky because I do have a recipe that I altered from a Rachel Ray recipe and I hate that I'm going to give away my secret, but no matter what chili I decide to make, I always add a can of.....Steak and Shake chili. Sorry, it's just SO yummy! It just takes my chili to another level....a more unhealthy level, but it's one can people! And I make the chili with ground turkey and black beans so get over it already and go buy some cans of Steak and Shake chili. I buy it in bulk because I have to go to Wal Mart for it.

These ingredients are what make this pizza outstanding.
The olive oil is straight from the vinyard in Tuscany!

9) Mac and Cheese...not from the blue box:) I use a box of elbow mac, a can of cheddar cheese soup and a bag of shredded cheese, butter and half and half. Yes, it's fattening so just eat less!

10) City Market Pizza (left): Buy or make the best crust you can. I call it "City Market Pizza" because I buy all my ingredients at the City Market.  Add the best quality EVOO, mozzerella, garlic salt, fresh basil and tomatoes. Bake at 435 until the crust is crispy and the cheese is melty.

I pair my main dishes with  my farmer's market finds like potatoes and fresh corn on the cob...you know, the kind that comes from the bed of the truck and might have corn worms in it YUM!...(the corn, not the worms!)

There's nothing like a BLT with home grown tomatoes (not MY home of course) and the best thick cut bacon you can find. I bought some from the Local Pig once. At $1 a slice I thought it was a huge ripoff, until I tasted it. Each piece was like a steak so you only needed 2 pieces for a good BLT!

So there you have it. It's not amazing, I'm still not a cook, but I figure if I've made this work then anyone can! Good luck and have fun!

Laura and Hailey's favorite restuarants and coffee shops in Kansas City

As promised, I've complied list of the places Hailey and I visited this summer with a few notes. The original post that started it all can be read HERE I'd love to hear your fave places in KC! Just put them in the comments section.


Grinders (Crossroads)
     Fun place with fun "lake-type" atmosphere. You feel like you should be inyour swimsuit if you sit outside. I recommend the Meatball Sub or Philly Cheese Steak sub.

Christopher Elbow Chocolates
     Just...pure...chocolate...goodness!

KC Joes : Need I say more? Okay, I will. I like the pulled pork!

Q39 (Westport)
     Great sit down BBQ place, not a "joint".  Ask for extra BBQ sauce

Sol Cantina (31st and Broadway/Martini Corner)
     Fresh Mex. Outstanding fish tacos and to die for "California Wrap" which has french fries IN it!

Port Fonda (Westport)
     Fantastic Fresh Mexican food. I've never tasted anything quite like it. Excellent Mexican soda!

Seasons 52 (Plaza)
     I love the fresh changing menu and all items are calorie friendly but certainly don't tast like it.

Il Lazzarone (City Market)
     After pondering this, and after a second visit, I've decided it's not my favorite although it COULD be with lower prices. It's just too pricey for a single pie and you really need your own.

Quay Coffee (City Market)
     Fun, small, quaint but you have to know your coffee jargon to be truly successful here

Opera House Coffee (City Market)

Opera House Coffee in Westport

     Great people, excellent coffee and food. Hailey said that her white chocolate raspberry latte was the best thing she's every had.

The Local Pig (food truck in East Bottoms)
      Greasy yummy cheeseburger! Picnic tables on gravel by the food truck. Love this place and will go again!

La Bodega 
     I have to include this place even thought Hailey still hasn't been. It's just so fun to order a ton of tapas and have them come out plate by plate while you sip your sangria.


D'Bronx Pizza (Westport)
     This is a fave of our family and favorite besides Shakespeare's Pizza in Columbia

Ponaks Mexican
     Amazing margarita!! Food is typical for KC mexican...(see Sol for really great fresh Mexican)

Morning Day Cafe (Liberty Square)
     We visit here regularly and is a great spot on Saturday mornings while the Farmer's Market is happening!

Rock and Run Cafe (Liberty Square)
     We started going here when it first opened and have loved it ever since. We love the atmosphere. Fave foods are pretzels with beer cheese, french fries (with beer cheese...hello!) BLT, pizzas, brats. Jay likes all of the beers here except he ones they brew in house....which is unfortunate!

The Bell (Liberty Square)
     This is a great summer outside option. It's a greasy place and you can smell it in the winter inside. But honestly they have GREAT bar food and some healthy options too!

Nikky's Pizza (Liberty)
   
     This used to be our Thursday night outing during the school year when that was the only free night. Outstanding thin crust pizza, fantastic homemade meatballs and the sugu sauce just makes it! They have a bottle of wine you can get for super cheap and take home what you don't drink. And they have great wine glasses too!

Pie Five (Westport)
     I wouldn't go back here but only because it was a little like a Subway.

Westport Coffee House (Westport)
     Fun, but not a place I'd drive to just for coffee.

*****Jay and I are going out often when Hailey is away at kamp. Here's what's on the list: Lidia's, Coopers Hawk, Port Fonda (we kinda like it),  Morning Day Cafe Nite Bites on a Friday or Saturday night for live music and drink specials, White Horse Pub (off North Oak)...gotta try some British Pub grub and a pint or two for Jay.

Where else should we go?

Whose advising appointment is it anyway?...and more college orientation musings.

Navigating the raising of a child is tough. 

Do I even need to repeat that for emphasis? 

If you don't think it's tough, you're doing it wrong.  It’s the most important job we will ever have and one for which we receive no training. 

One of the biggest transitions is when your child turns 18 and graduates from high school.  Some will say the biggest transition is kindergarten. I think kindergarten is a MOM transition, not a kid transition. And it certainly wasn't  a rough one for me. 

I may have been THE only mom cheering wildly with a grin from ear to ear after dropping Cam at his classroom. Sure, I stayed and had a twinge of pride as I saw he actually sat down and starting working on what the teacher told him to instead of running around the room.  But my real excitement was that I  was ALONE!  Freedom. And he would be home in a few hours anyway.  I had my Hailey with me who was 2 at the time, but this was close enough to alone for me.

But high school graduation; it's different. It's about the kid. I've never been too big on the whole high school graduation thing. I mean I think it's important to graduate from high school, don't get me wrong. It's just that I think we often celebrate the past instead of looking to the future during this time. I decided to make Cam's graduation all about what lies ahead. 

At graduation we celebrated the future and the idea of being  ready to go it alone.....with a lot of love and guidance from us. Here I was thinking I wouldn't get all emotional at this time, but then I put that whole "what lies ahead" thing into the mix and well..... cue the tears.

This time has been a huge time of reflection for me. Did I do it well enough? The list of "what-ifs" was long. 

Today I am sitting in the student center while my 18 year old son is in his advising appointment; alone. This is a big deal! Friends, this is monumental.

Some colleges in the University allow parents to be a part of these appointments, and some don’t. I appreciated that his college gave students and parents a choice. 

Of course I would attend! I would really try to be quiet and not interject. Certainly I could do that right?  Wait....maybe not. 

So Cam decided that he should go alone. That's fine.  No problem. He can do this.  Sure he can. (Lot's of self -talk going on here). 

So rather than throw him to the sharks alone we sat, he and I  prepared questions and we made lists and yes, I was a big part of this list making.  After about 20 minutes of this he was ready. 

And then, bam! He says to me “Mom, maybe you should go with me. I mean, you know more than I do about this stuff.” 

Wait, what?  So given the choice, given the responsibility, he decided that maybe having me in the appointment would be a good idea; largest.....jaw-drop......ever!

But we talked more and I started doing things faster than him, not giving him a chance, and at that moment I stopped myself and said, “Dude, you need to do this alone. We both know that when I’m around you assume I will take charge. You need to be 100% present and in charge for this. This is YOUR advising appointment." 

And let's face it, none of the choices he made that day were set in stone. 

And from now on, he will be totally in charge of his academic path.

And he was prepared. He had questions written down.

I was 100% confident in him because he was ready. 

                  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So as I'm sitting here writing this in the student union (alone),  I’m hearing parts of a conversation that intrigue me. It sounds like an advising session. I look up and right across from me are 3 people. Two of them are interacting and one is sitting passively.  Can you guess who is who? 

I will never forget this picture. There's a mom with her reading glasses on leaning forward with her hand on her head tilted listening intently and looking at the computer of the other young woman. This woman is some kind of summer welcome advisor and the two women and discussing "his" schedule.

"He" is the student. The one sitting passively as his future is being discussed. 

Here is some of the dialog:

Advisor: Okay so if he takes biology at 9:00 and then math at 10:00 he may not have enough time to get to the class. 

Mom: True. Is there another section of that class? And I notice that he's in class from 9-1 without a break.

Advisor: Right. 

Advisor turns to student who is sitting there passively not really paying attention and says " So I would pack some snacks".  

Sorry, I have to interupt......Great suggestion lady.  Really? You just told an 18 year old to pack some snacks. Okay, moms get a reprieve from this ridicuolous behavior; it's what makes us funny and laughable like when my roommate's mom asked her if she remembered deodorant. But an advisor? 

And this continued for 15 minutes.  Mom was taking notes. . I never once heard the student say a word and their body language said if all. His mom was in charge.

So my question is, whose advising appointment is this?  And what is going to happen when mom drops her son off and he hasn't a clue as to what's going on? He’s dealing with choices that he did not make. Will he accept the responsibility for those choices if they aren’t his? 

I know how this mom feels. She doesn't think her son can handle it. She wants his first semester to be easy for him, she wants to be in control. She wants to be sure that he’s successful. Her intentions are good I’m sure.  But oh my goodness. Clearly she is doing more harm than good. 

In my previous post that you can read HERE I shared what a retired professor shared about parents letting go as their child goes to college.

*Parents, if any of you still need to cut the umbilical cord there is a box outside with a pair of scissors. Park the helicopter in the garage.

*College is a process of change; of seeking out self-identity. Your child may come home with some strange ideas, concepts or even another human being!  (“You brought home that?”)

*Give them care, love support, patience and understanding. Give them their independence.

We used senior year to get Cam ready for all of this independence. I would rather him make mistakes here at home first.  I wrote a blog post at the begining of this year called The REAL parents last call list for senior year. It's a practical list to get kids ready. So much of what parents go through is that emotional aspect of letting go. Hopefully we don't want them to go because we like them! We have fun with them and enjoy seeing them daily. But leaving home is a necessary part of growing up and becoming independent. Help your kids by NOT helping them so much. Let their successes and failures be their own. 

Whose life is it anyway?

At the Royals game with is girlfriend. I forgot the hot dogs for the tailgate but we had fun anyway! See, we all make mistakes...and I remembered them the next time. Shocking!