The mom/friend

Today is my baby girl's sweet 16 and I think it's a great time to roll out this post that I've been working on for quite a while. 
Happy Birthday to my favorite young lady on the planet.
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I've been pondering how my daughter and I have gotten so close over the past couple of years. It was not something I expected at all, but certainly hoped for.

The first thing that comes to mind is that a core value of mine is relationships. My relationship with God,  my husband and my kids is tops. When I die, besides a messy closet and a bunch of junk, what will be left? Hopefully the legacy of the relationship built with my family that can be passed on for generations.

That doesn't mean that my kids get whatever they want or that they rule the roost; far from it. But there is certainly a culture of mutual respect in our house. That's a big thing! We listen to each other, we assume the best in each other and we say "I love you" multiple times a day. We have conversations. We hug. We pray for each other.  We give each other grace. Our love is unconditional.

I agree with the school of thought that says we should not be friends with our children and that we should be the parent first.  However, I also think it's possible to be a special kind of friend.

So I created the term "mom/friend".

Then and now.....

In our family, a mom/friend looks a little like this:

Your kids tell you almost everything, but probably save the really private stuff for a best friend their age.

Your kids come to you and say "I have a 'mom' question".

Your kids balk when you suggest a picture or selfie but it's fine when it's their idea.

Your kids enjoy hanging out with you and their boyfriend/girlfriend. Apparently "significant other' is one of those off limit mom terms I'm told not to say. Geesh kids...!

Your kids steal your phone and create a pre-set for " LOL" so that if you try to type it, it says "Mom you're too old to say that"

You get your feelings hurt when they are rude and expect them to notice and behave like anyone else; apologize or laugh and make it better. It's a two way street with feelings.

You don't hover over their every move but encourage them when they need it and offer advice when they ask for it.

The first thing you do after a game or performance is either:

a) say nothing and wait for them to speak
b) say something positive  and then ask how they think the game/performance went
c) ask what the coach had to say.
d) all of the above

You find their taste in clothes, cars, decor, music etc... interesting and a big part of who they are and not as a reflection of yourself.

They let you know when you've crossed the mom/friend zone into the friend zone. It sounds something like "mom...ugh, gosh stop!" or "um...no"

You have conversations, not arguments.  Not much discipline is required.

You allow them to make their own mistakes and are the first one there with a "Bummer, I'm so sorry that happened to you."

You don't yell (very often) , because you wouldn't yell at anyone else in your life, so why would you yell at those you love most? But if you do, it makes a huge impact, so......

You apologize when you screw up.

They apologize when they screw up.

You listen to their opinion and value them as an individual with their own thoughts.

I really hope my kids stick close to home for the rest of their lives because I sure do love them, like them, and enjoy being around them! And isn't that what being a friend is all about?

I don't know how it turned out this way, but I do know it has to do with the heart. The heart that God gives us to love our kids like He loves us.

They're my favorites!