Park the Helicopter at Home...and other reflections from college orientation day.

Cam preparing for his advising session. 

Earlier this summer we attended the University of Missouri's Orientation program, “Summer Welcome”. I went into this two day event thinking we would feel like a number and that Cam would never get proper advising. Although I was smart enough to have low expectations, I was pleasantly surprised with the entire experience.

When we arrived we could tell that Summer Welcome was a well -oiled machine. Heck, students had been walking backwards in front of groups of parents and incoming freshman since Jay and I were there in the late 80’s. We found the students to be amazingly friendly and welcoming. If they didn’t know an answer, they found one. And they were funny!  To see kids just a little older than Cam doing such an incredible job interacting with adults and students was extremely encouraging and exciting.

The inspiration for this post comes from the first lecture we 
attended, given by a partially retired professor from the College of Agriculture, Food and Natural Resources.

The professor was casual as he sat on the desk at the front of the lecture hall. At first I was a little intimidated. But he won me over with his humor and excellent advice. It wasn’t long before I took out a pen and paper and started taking notes. Cam wasn't sitting by me or I'm certain I would have gotten a glare of some sort. This professor was saying everything I had ever said to my kids, but in a more eloquent, and funny way. Let me share with you some of his wisdom:

*There is so much good advice to be found here at Mizzou:

1)) Summer Welcome  (orientation)

2) Advisors 

3) Faculty:  Use their office hours, that’s why they have them.  Nothing is more frustrating that sitting in an office when nobody comes to talk.

*You have to have GUTS. You have to make the first move. Nobody is going to come and tell you to get off the Xbox and go to class. Mom isn’t going to wake you up or tell you when to go to sleep.

*Be snappy, aggressive and in charge. You are responsible for your education.

*You deserve the best from the faculty. Most are more than willing to help. Don’t let them push you around. It’s up to you.

*There is help available but you have to walk through the door.

*What you get out of this is directly tied to what you put in.

*There are lots of things to do; some of them are legal. (crowd erupts in laughter)

* Make the college small by joining groups. Get involved.

*Develop the mental, physical, social and religious part of life. 

*Take courses that force you to THINK, read, writ, speak, and THINK.

*College is a time to develop who and what you are. Develop those things and use them to help others.

*Give back.

And for the parents he offers this:

*Parents, if any of you still need to cut the umbilical cord there is a box outside with a pair of scissors. Park the helicopter in the garage.

*College is a process of change; of seeking out self-identity. Your child may come home with some strange ideas, concepts or even another human being!  (“You brought home that?”)

*Give them care, love support, patience and understanding. Give them their independence.

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I can’t speak for every young adult heading out on his or her own, but whether you are going to college or the big wide world of work on your own, his advice hangs on independence and  self- advocacy.

Self-advocacy is a term that I teach 6th and 7th graders almost daily. It’s hard for pre-teens to stand up to an adult and ask for what they need. It’s hard for them to make the first move. When teachers are rude or make a child feel stupid it certainly doesn’t make the child want to advocate.  But I tell my students that if they meet up with a mean teacher, or one that’s having an off day (because we all do) to remember that it's the teacher’s problem, not theirs. Just because the teacher is an adult does not always make them right.  This is contrary to what I grew up learning and I got stepped on often.

From dreamer to reality....

Kids need to start thinking for themselves in middle school because it can take a while to develop confidence in this area. Know what you need or want, ask questions and be persistent and polite. Stop worrying about what others think because generally people are too busy thinking about themselves.
Parents, encourage your kids and remind them that you believe in them and know they can fly on their own, because before you know it they will be in that cap and gown.

Oh the handshake!

It's a parentsjob to one day launch their child into the world to be an independent person who can lead and teach others. My brother has a blog post on this very topic. It’s much better than mine! Have a look:  http://growingupwell.org/2015/01/29/parentingisregulating/